Where can I turn?

I am a sad pathetic case. Everyday I contemplate suicide. I've even considered faking my own death - that is if I could figure out how to do it on my own. I don't exactly have any connections to the "underground" and have no idea how to get a new identity. So mainly I think about suicide. I'm most certain that if it weren't for my kids, I'd be dead by now. They are the only thing that ties me to this world. I don't want to abandon them.

What is a person supposed to do when they need money desperately but don't have the credit rating to get a loan? Where are the options for these people? Payday loans are a ripoff, just putting desperate people further into desperation.

Everytime I even think about my financial situation I cry. I hate myself for getting this far, and I hate myself for the fact that I don't know what to do now.

I am now 2 months delinquent on mortgage.

I owe $1100+ to utilities

I owe $2000+ to credit cards

I owe about $4000 to payday loans

I owe my children a huge apology, because if your father ever finds out how much in debt I've gotten - I will surely kill myself. There is nothing in this world that can convince me to face him if he were to find out. His rage, his disappointment, his distrust from there on is far too much for my fragile emotions to handle. I am not weak by any means, I've had to put up with so much through my short pitiful life. But having him find out would put on the finishing touches to the Hell on Earth I've dug for myself. And I'm sorry, but I think the heavenly Father is far more forgiving than your father.

Isn't there anyone who can help?